Getting Back to Work
June 22nd, 2026
I've been in a long period of stagnation. For many years I had been wondering what was holding me back. Why did it feel like no matter how hard I would try, it didn't matter? I felt stuck, I lacked the motivation and the drive to do the things that I wanted to do. I'd sit all day thinking about all of the things that I was going to do when I had enough energy. All of the games that I would play, the music that I would listen to, the art I would create, the joy that it would all bring me. But no matter what, the energy didn't magically appear. As the days went on, I became more and more complacent with doing nothing. Merely existing as a shell of someone who had once loved burying my face in a book for hours at a time or spending a day organizing my music collection in my media player. Now that was all but a thing of the past. The sheer thought of starting a single task was overwhelming to the point where I'd simply shut down, slowly sinking into the blackhole of YouTube videos and social media doom scrolling.
Recently I have been able to push through this lack of motivation more frequently, although it has not been easy. Mostly because I know that what I really want for myself is to live and fully experience my life. Who I was before was clearly a deeply depressed version of myself, one that took no joy in things that I once let fill my cup daily. Reading, writing, playing games, making music, drawing, coloring, going outside - all of these things make me happy when I allow myself to do them. But I had trapped myself in my own head, created a version of the outside world and the people that existed in it that would hate me for being who I was. That would ridicule and criticize me for taking the chance to follow my dreams. In doing so, I was living in fear. A prisoner of my own mind, torturing myself with shame and guilt. Now that I can so clearly see the pain I was putting myself through I am learning how to avoid doing so in the future. There are still many hurdles to come, but I feel so much more prepared every time. The bad times come, but they don't destroy me. I don't let them eat me alive until the anxiety makes my body numb. I can tell myself it's okay to not be okay and actually believe it.
If I look back at the last year, I can see the upward trajectory that I've steadily been on. Last summer I finally made an Instagram account for my Fallen From the Stars music project, and now I'll be playing a local music festival in August. The project itself started nearly 10 years ago, right after I graduated from college with my degree in Broadcast & Cinematic Arts. My first ever EP, The Siege, was recorded with only a Rock Band microphone and Adobe Audition, which I used for my audio editing at the time. It comprised of only three instruments, piano, drums, and bass. Across four tracks I decided to tell a story of an army preparing for war and eventually laying waste to an enemy castle. This initial idea was truly the genesis for the Fallen From the Stars project, telling a story through the melodies and song titles. Although I left it alone for nearly five years before releasing more music, I had never stopped writing songs on the piano. After picking up the free trial of Ableton during quarantine in 2020 (can you all believe that was six years ago?), I began working on music again, focusing on learning more about electronic muisc production. This spawned a wave of music making that lasted about three years, experimenting with different styles and learning how to craft sounds using the different available MIDI instruments.
Alas, life began to get more and more life-y, allowing for less and less time spent working on music. This lull lasted about two years until things in my personal life died down a bit more (as some might know I went through a divorce in 2025). Now I've been climbing back up again and releasing more music than ever have in my life. All of it can be found on Bandcamp and on the Music page here on The Creamery. I don't know how this post turned into talking about my music. That's been the biggest thing I'm working on currently. My next album is quite an undertaking for me compared to everything else I've done. Building off the original idea of storytelling from The Siege, my next full-length album takes place in a new world - the Peninsula of Remelga. I've created this world for my music to live in and possibly for a game in the future. The plan is for three albums to tell this particular story, all within the independent nation of Remelga, a peninsula separated from the Empire of Lumantra by a magical mountain range. Aaaggghhh, I could talk about this world all day, but I wanna wait until I have more of the music done. Just know that this is happening and I am so fucking excited!
Anyway, I need to go pick up a pizza. I'm hungry as fuck. This post definitely took a drastic change in tone as it went on. It feels much more informal now. Such is the pleasure of this being my blog to write in. Nobody is grading me based on having a consistent voice or if I'm using grammar correctly. This is just for me to type...whatever. Every now and then I try to be a little more formal with the way I'm saying things. Or maybe I'm not even trying, that's just how I want to write in those particular moments. Then other times I wanna type how I would write an e-mail to a friend. That's a bad example though cuz I don't write e-mails to my friends. I'm a bit too young for that. Texts are definitely more my speed. Don't call me unless you're my dad or my bestie. I really need to go get this pizza...