Overthinking
Friday, May 8th, 2026
There is always so much going on in this ol' head of mine. Too much. I can never stop thinking about the next thing that I want to think about. It seems a bit like an endless loop. Less "I think therefore I am", more "I am therefore I think & think & think & think & think & think." There is a way out of this thinking. Awareness. Bringing myself back to my breath. Slowing everything down. Remembering that "my" thoughts don't actually belong to anyone in particular. Not me, not you, not my brother, or my dad. They are just there, passing through from one consciousness to the next.
I think the best analogy that I heard for thinking was imagining it as a literal stream of consciousness. That each thought is a stick floating down the stream. The more of these sticks you hold onto, the more backed up the rest of the stream becomes, until eventually the stream can no longer flow. Which it is why holding onto a thought, an idea, an image, a memory can be so harmful. It prevents the natural flow of thinking and of life. Everything is flowing in and out of each other in a constant whirlpool of energy. If one tributary gets blocked, the larger stream will start flowing less and less, slower and slower, until it dries up. Each person is a single tributary to the flow of life. We all contribute to the overall flow of energy throughout the universe. Helping each other move past these blocks and looking past the distractions helps the universe to propel, to move forward, to evolve. The more each individual pushes themself to source, the closer we all are to returning
Now this is obviously a very spiritual post, as I am becoming a much more spiritual person. I am finding the solace in knowing that there is no knowing. In understanding that peace is a constant practice of living in the moment, not something you achieve and keep indefinitely. Peace comes and goes. You can only recognize peace if you can also recognize chaos. And you can only recognize either if you practice awareness. It is easy to get so caught up in thinking that you aren't ever fully aware, making it nice to turn off the brain and simply live in the moment. I started writing this post as a way to process some of my overthinking onto a page. It makes sense that it would lead me down the spiritual path. Why focus on any of the things that I am overthinking? Why give them any power while taking it away from myself?
Stepping back into who I am. Fully believing that I can do what I set my mind to. That I AM doing the things that I've been setting my mind on. Regaining my energy through creativity, embracing my inner child, connecting with my local community, and simply doing things that I want to. Building the the worlds and playing the music that exists in my head. Fun. I'm having fucking fun again. Even if it is in small bursts. I'm allowing myself to play. To be free. To care less about what I can do and more about what I can be. To steal another phrase that I really liked "We are human beings, not human doings"
Writing all of this down makes me realize that all of the thinking, all of the worry, all of the anxiety...is just a product of holding on. I've been in an online support group where the main focus currently is exploring the Four Noble Truths, something that first started interesting me about a year or two ago when I looked into Buddhism. If you aren't familiar, I'll list them out here real shortly in their most boiled down form. I will also link the book that the host of the meetings has been pulling from to help guide some of the discussions. Anyway, you'll see why I'm bringing this up in a bit here. Here they are, put simply:
- Life is suffering
- Craving is the cause of suffering
- To end suffering, end craving
- There is an Eightfold Path to end craving and suffering
There is way more to dive into concerning each individual truth and exactly what it means, especially since the English translation from Sanskrit is usually quite rough, with some of our words being extreme approximations of the original context. I'm getting ahead of myself here. The main reason I brought up these truths was because I said my overthinking was a product of holding on. Clinging to ideas, craving for an end to my pain, holding on to the memories of my past. That is where the stress lies. The "suffering" if you will. And what I've been learning through this group is that letting go of the perceived permanence of anything - thoughts, structures, systems, relationships - truly can lead to a more blissful experience in life.
Now, I'm not by any means trying to become a fucking monk and renounce all of my earthly desires and material possessions. I don't think that anyone truly expects that of most people. But I can say that when I do briefly let go of the ideas of ownership, or loneliness, or even peace - things tend to get a bit easier. The world becomes a lot clearer. And I don't have to try nearly as hard. Because I know that I will be okay. I trust that the universe is taking care of me when I am doing the things I love. When I am loving myself, the universe will love me back. Nothing has been ringing truer to me in the last year than that.
The last month or so has been pretty tough. I was in a dark place mentally, working through a lot of emotions that I hadn't been allowing myself to feel. Anger mostly. At myself. At letting myself get to a point where I wasn't truly who I wanted to be anymore. I'm giving myself grace though. Because I was only doing what I knew what to do. How I had learned to live in the world. It doesn't excuse my actions. I still made the choices that I made, some of which are hard to live with. Some of which are embarrassingly awful to look back at. How I treated people when I wasn't feeling good about myself. People that I loved and cared about that just wanted to help me. While I cannot take back what I did to them, I can vow to learn from it and never allow it to happen again. To push forward and make the life for myself that I always envisioned. One where I get to make music and have fun with my friends on a plot of land that we own. Where we grow crops and everything is solar powered. We don't have to rely on corporations that fill our food with poisons. If I can imagine that world, I can live in it. So let's start building ourselves a New Earth, one that we truly believe in!!